I am not a good person. I am not a good girlfriend. I am horrible. I can't control my temper, I say things I shouldn't, and I just mess everything up. I'm tired. I'm tired of myself.

Mine

People always say "when you know, you know". Well I definitely know. My heart is taken and it always will be. There is nobody else for me. I've found my soul mate and I don't need anyone but him.

It's time

It's time. It's time to move on. My heart is still aching and you're still not here but it's time. You're not coming back and after five years it's time I let go. I'm allowed to be upset, I'm allowed to cry sometimes, I'm allowed to miss you and I'm allowed to let my emotions get the better of me. But it's time I stop letting my life revolve around something that happened a number of years ago. It doesn't mean I don't love you and it doesn't mean I don't miss you. It means I'm going to look at everything in a more positive light. No more negativity. Today is my new start, my new beginning.

My heart is broken for you

A lot can happen in five years. I finished high school and got a degree at university. I grew up and learnt a lot about myself. I watched friends and family fall apart and lost a few people along the way. I travelled to two countries that I never thought I'd visit in a million years. I fell in love with the person I'm going to marry. And I've gone through all of it without you. In 12 days it'll be five years since you lost your life. Imagine what you would have achieved if you were still here.

You're the most important person in my life. I know I'm messed up right now but you have to stay. You just have to.

Positive thoughts. Positive thoughts. Positive thoughts

Contemplation

One day you'll look back and see
all the times you complained,
the tears you cried over people,
the anger that overtook your body,
the sadness that consumed your eyes
just was not worth it.
You'll realise all the moments you
wasted and took for granted. You'll
think about the people who would have
done anything to still be here today but
they aren't. And what will you do then?

I'm going to marry him. I know without a doubt I am. He is my soul mate, my other half, and my best friend. For the first time in my life, I've found someone so compatible and someone who I want to spend the rest of my life with. He treats me better than anyone ever has. When I'm feeling down or having a bad day he is the only one who can cheer me up. I can tell him anything and I know he's not going to judge me. He's seen me at my absolute worst and been there for the hardest six months of my life and still hasn't left. He is my future, my happy ending, my forever and after.

New beginnings

I've just gone through and deleted all of my posts from 2009, 2010, 2011, 2012 and even this year. It's time for a fresh start. No looking back. My past is my past and that's exactly where I'm leaving it. I can't keep looking back at the hurt I felt and the people who caused it. It's time for a new beginning.